Where have I gone?

Where has self-esteem gone? I would venture to say that most people have an issue with self-esteem. Mainly, lack of it. Then when they see someone who is confident they are seen as arrogant or a diva. When in fact they may just have a healthy self-esteem. Now I am not saying that people don't go to far on the other end either. That really arrogant guy or that high maintenance diva maybe overcompensating for a lack of self esteem as well.

I can tell you an exact moment when I questioned my self-esteem.

When I left for college I was a naive, overweight 18 year old, with little self confidence. Living on campus you walk everywhere. I started exercising and I went dancing probably 3 nights a week. I lost 75 pounds in my 4 1/2 years. Partly because of the weight loss and partly due to naturally growing up my confidence was at an all time high.

Well I graduated and did what most college graduates do. I moved back home to get a job. Well, there was a guy that I wanted to date and he wanted nothing to do with me. Instead of being broken up about it I took the his loss mentality. One night I was asked, "Where has this unhealthy self confidence come from?" That one question made me start to question everything I had become. I started to slip back to that naive, overweight 18 year old. This time I was 23. Unfortunately, I have slipped very far from that confident 22 year old that graduated. However, I am on this journey to find her again.

My professional life cannot let me be someone who just sits back and lets life happen. I own a marketing business. If I am not out there getting the word out there about what we have to offer people won't know we exist. I also own an educational entertainment business and it also requires that confidence and go getter that I used to be.

That is partly why I am on this journey. To find who I was all those years ago.

So what have I done so far to re find myself. I have emptied my closet. I went through each item. I pulled it down and asked, "Do I like the way I feel when I wear this? Does it make me feel confident or self conscious?" If the answer was not yes and confident it did not stay in my closet. It felt so good to get rid of 3 garbage bags of clothes.

A New Journey

Do you have any idea how valuable you are? I am not sure if I do -- after reading the opening paragraph to Joyce Meyer's book "Look Great, Feel Great." I suffer from self-doubt. I abuse my body with bad food choices. I have bad habits, I fight depression and lack of motivation. I have felt lost and wandering in a spiritual desert from time to time.

This blog is about striving to be the best you that you can be. Follow me on the journey through "Look Great, Feel Great."

My Story

I grew up in your typical home (although it is becoming less typical). My mom and dad raised me, my sister and my brother. We always had what we needed. Maybe not always what we wanted, but what we needed. Meal time was no exception, we always had food on the table. It may not have been the best food for us, but it was food. I don't know if I ever truly learned how to properly nourish my body. We ate what we could afford. For some reason it seems like the things that are good for you were always more expensive than things that were not. (At times it still seems that way. - That could just be my misunderstanding.) Now, this is not a fault of my parents, they did the best they could. Life happens and you do the best that you can.

I am currently 100 pounds overweight. I have always been overweight, except for in college. I lost 75 pounds over my 4 1/2 years away at school. I know that I can do it again. Like most women the picture of my body and the ideal body are probably skewed. Especially with my love for fashion magazines. However, I do think that my goal is a very reasonable one. I would like to be a size 10. This way I would be able to wear anything any designer makes. That would be a great thing. Besides, that was the size I was when I left college and I felt great. I also know what a big part of this problem is. I do not exercise far enough. If you eat what you want to eat and don't exercise you will be fat.

Yes, I work a lot. I own two businesses and work a job. I write and I scrapbook. I tend to to forget to value myself and take time for myself. My husband tends to come before things for myself. (This will probably be the same when I have children.)

I am taking this journey because my husband deserves a wife that looks great and feels great.

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Joyce Meyer says, "I believe the world is love-starved and busy trying to get it through sources that will never satisfy, while God wants to give it freely. Money cannot satisfy. Neither can position, power or fame. All are poor substitutes for love. All leave an inner discontent that causes all kinds of problems, including obesity. People are trying to satisfy a hunger that food cannot relieve." I am going to start valuing myself and strive to be the best me that I can be.

Forgotten Motto

I have forgotten my motto over that last few weeks. I have let life live on and got swept up in the stress, crankiness, and down right moodiness. I feel like I have not laughed until I cried in ages. I felt like I have stopped loving everyone, including myself. That is not who I am. I live - I laugh - I love.

SO what happened that I go all swept up in life? I let all the distractions do what they will do -- distract. I let family members take me away from what I need to do. I have let the decisions of others affect my happiness. I stopped reading- things that keep me focused. I stopped listening - to praise and worship, educational materials, even enjoyable music. I started listening to the negative trash that people eagerly flow from mouths of people I know and people that I don't. I let topics become conversations that shouldn't.

What can I do??? I can start again. Start reading - things that help me grow. Grow as a woman, a Christian, a business owner, a wife. I can refocus. Refocus by simply moving my work area to a place where I can concentrate. I need to take time. Time for what I need to do, what I want to do, take time for me and take time for my Lord.

People think that I work all the time. I do. I am a busy woman. I work a job with crazy hours. I own two businesses, I write and I scrapbook. That is a busy life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have goals. I need to make my goals happen. Sitting back and letting the world take me where it will is not the answer.

People may think that I don't have my priorities in the right place. That just means that you have not really looked at my life. What I do is rewarding and rejuvenating. I go to bed at night knowing that I did everything I could that day for me and my family. Yes I work for someone else, but I do that because I choose to.

I lost my focus. Now that I realized that all I need to do is manage my time and get what I need to get done during the day. That is the easy part.