Where have I gone?

Where has self-esteem gone? I would venture to say that most people have an issue with self-esteem. Mainly, lack of it. Then when they see someone who is confident they are seen as arrogant or a diva. When in fact they may just have a healthy self-esteem. Now I am not saying that people don't go to far on the other end either. That really arrogant guy or that high maintenance diva maybe overcompensating for a lack of self esteem as well.

I can tell you an exact moment when I questioned my self-esteem.

When I left for college I was a naive, overweight 18 year old, with little self confidence. Living on campus you walk everywhere. I started exercising and I went dancing probably 3 nights a week. I lost 75 pounds in my 4 1/2 years. Partly because of the weight loss and partly due to naturally growing up my confidence was at an all time high.

Well I graduated and did what most college graduates do. I moved back home to get a job. Well, there was a guy that I wanted to date and he wanted nothing to do with me. Instead of being broken up about it I took the his loss mentality. One night I was asked, "Where has this unhealthy self confidence come from?" That one question made me start to question everything I had become. I started to slip back to that naive, overweight 18 year old. This time I was 23. Unfortunately, I have slipped very far from that confident 22 year old that graduated. However, I am on this journey to find her again.

My professional life cannot let me be someone who just sits back and lets life happen. I own a marketing business. If I am not out there getting the word out there about what we have to offer people won't know we exist. I also own an educational entertainment business and it also requires that confidence and go getter that I used to be.

That is partly why I am on this journey. To find who I was all those years ago.

So what have I done so far to re find myself. I have emptied my closet. I went through each item. I pulled it down and asked, "Do I like the way I feel when I wear this? Does it make me feel confident or self conscious?" If the answer was not yes and confident it did not stay in my closet. It felt so good to get rid of 3 garbage bags of clothes.

A New Journey

Do you have any idea how valuable you are? I am not sure if I do -- after reading the opening paragraph to Joyce Meyer's book "Look Great, Feel Great." I suffer from self-doubt. I abuse my body with bad food choices. I have bad habits, I fight depression and lack of motivation. I have felt lost and wandering in a spiritual desert from time to time.

This blog is about striving to be the best you that you can be. Follow me on the journey through "Look Great, Feel Great."

My Story

I grew up in your typical home (although it is becoming less typical). My mom and dad raised me, my sister and my brother. We always had what we needed. Maybe not always what we wanted, but what we needed. Meal time was no exception, we always had food on the table. It may not have been the best food for us, but it was food. I don't know if I ever truly learned how to properly nourish my body. We ate what we could afford. For some reason it seems like the things that are good for you were always more expensive than things that were not. (At times it still seems that way. - That could just be my misunderstanding.) Now, this is not a fault of my parents, they did the best they could. Life happens and you do the best that you can.

I am currently 100 pounds overweight. I have always been overweight, except for in college. I lost 75 pounds over my 4 1/2 years away at school. I know that I can do it again. Like most women the picture of my body and the ideal body are probably skewed. Especially with my love for fashion magazines. However, I do think that my goal is a very reasonable one. I would like to be a size 10. This way I would be able to wear anything any designer makes. That would be a great thing. Besides, that was the size I was when I left college and I felt great. I also know what a big part of this problem is. I do not exercise far enough. If you eat what you want to eat and don't exercise you will be fat.

Yes, I work a lot. I own two businesses and work a job. I write and I scrapbook. I tend to to forget to value myself and take time for myself. My husband tends to come before things for myself. (This will probably be the same when I have children.)

I am taking this journey because my husband deserves a wife that looks great and feels great.

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Joyce Meyer says, "I believe the world is love-starved and busy trying to get it through sources that will never satisfy, while God wants to give it freely. Money cannot satisfy. Neither can position, power or fame. All are poor substitutes for love. All leave an inner discontent that causes all kinds of problems, including obesity. People are trying to satisfy a hunger that food cannot relieve." I am going to start valuing myself and strive to be the best me that I can be.

Forgotten Motto

I have forgotten my motto over that last few weeks. I have let life live on and got swept up in the stress, crankiness, and down right moodiness. I feel like I have not laughed until I cried in ages. I felt like I have stopped loving everyone, including myself. That is not who I am. I live - I laugh - I love.

SO what happened that I go all swept up in life? I let all the distractions do what they will do -- distract. I let family members take me away from what I need to do. I have let the decisions of others affect my happiness. I stopped reading- things that keep me focused. I stopped listening - to praise and worship, educational materials, even enjoyable music. I started listening to the negative trash that people eagerly flow from mouths of people I know and people that I don't. I let topics become conversations that shouldn't.

What can I do??? I can start again. Start reading - things that help me grow. Grow as a woman, a Christian, a business owner, a wife. I can refocus. Refocus by simply moving my work area to a place where I can concentrate. I need to take time. Time for what I need to do, what I want to do, take time for me and take time for my Lord.

People think that I work all the time. I do. I am a busy woman. I work a job with crazy hours. I own two businesses, I write and I scrapbook. That is a busy life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have goals. I need to make my goals happen. Sitting back and letting the world take me where it will is not the answer.

People may think that I don't have my priorities in the right place. That just means that you have not really looked at my life. What I do is rewarding and rejuvenating. I go to bed at night knowing that I did everything I could that day for me and my family. Yes I work for someone else, but I do that because I choose to.

I lost my focus. Now that I realized that all I need to do is manage my time and get what I need to get done during the day. That is the easy part.

I am human

I was outraged...

I put the previous posting on my facebook page. I think this important and the points need to get out there.

It was obvious that my passive aggressive cousin had read it when I read the following status update. "___ is tired of the rich getting richer, and people who think the "American Dream" is about money. There is no money in the Constitution."

In my outrage I got home from work and asked my husband. "Can you explain to me what the American Dream is?" His response was "I understand it to be totally free. To be able to do what you want when you want." I then asked him if money was involved in it. He said, "Well, yes. You can't make it in this world without money."

I guess then I need to pose the question to my cousin what his view of the American Dream is. I know that for me it is to be successful and to achieve your dreams, not just pursue them. If the American Dream is just about pursuing your dreams then I am in the wrong country. My dream is to be successful and not have to rely on anyone else to provide for my families needs. Then to teach and spread The Word of God. If that offends you well then excuse me, but that is who I am and I am American.

I can't be too mad at my cousin, he has his opinions and he is entitled to them. People just need to remember that opinions are the cheapest commodity in the world. Everyone has millions.


Second outrage --

Why are we talking about Sarah Palin's clothes??? Why are we not talking about the real issues!!!!

It's time to PRAY

I do not consider myself a very political person. To be honest I have been struggling this past election season. Up until this year, I have basically agreed with democrats, and that is the way I voted. Well this year I started to listen to all of the nominees.

Today I have realized. It is time to PRAY.

We need to pray that our country elects the right person for this job. I will be honest, you do need to elect the person that is right for you and your life. I am going to take my soap box here and put a few things out there.

First: We live in a Republic. We are a capitalistic and free enterprise country. We are not Socialist nation. Now I am not calling Obama a Socialist. However, many of his thoughts and what his plans seem to be very socialist.

I don't totally understand this redistribution of wealth thing. The way that I understand it is basically taking from the rich to give to the poor. Okay. I will say this. I am not rich by any means. However, I do know that the reason I am in the financial situation I am in is 100% based on my decisions. I am 100% capable of getting myself out of this situation. There is no reason why people who have done the hard work should get it taken away and given to the people who won't work for it.

Second: The American Dream. If we are not careful who we elect this could turn in to the American Nightmare. Under Obama it is totally okay to pursue your dreams. Don't you dare achieve it though. When you do we are going to tax the daylights out of you because you have to take care of the people who won't do anything for themselves.

Thirdly: You are who you associate with. If you associate with questionable people, that makes me question you.

So what I ask is to pray. As a nation we need to pray. Pray that the candidates have wisdom to make the right decisions. Ask the Lord to open their eyes, and open their ears. Use the in gates more than the out gate of the mouth. We also need to pray that everyone who is able goes out to vote. We need to pray that the voting public does what they feel is best for them. However, we also need to ask God to ensure that the proper candidate gets in the office. We know that they are both Christians and yes we are to give to the poor and help those who can't help themselves. We need to pray and pray hard. God please work here. I as,k if you are reading this to stand in agreement with me. You may not agree with the points that I have mentioned, but you can stand in agreement with the fact that we need to pray!

Tithes and Offerings

As it was stated in the last post, as Christians we are promised financial prosperity and this is assured through God's Word.

Since this is the case, why are so many Christians constantly worried about their finances. They are choosing to live without peace and joy by worrying. How do we rectify this situation? We need to act in God realm. We need to do this by being obedient and speaking right.

The Word tells us we have to be faithful with our tithes and offerings. "Carefully follow the terms of this covenant, so that you may prosper in everything you do." - Deuteronomy 29:9

What are tithes? It is 10% of your gross income usually given to the church you attend. "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do," says the LORD Almighty, "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Let me prove it to you!" - Malachi 3:10 This is the only place in the entire Bible where God tells us to let Him prove that it works.

Offerings are what you give beyond your tithes.

When we are faithful in our tithes and offerings we can claim our promises of financial prosperity. We are doing our part, so then God can do His part. He can't do His part unless we do our part. Well He can, because He is God and He can do anything, but he won't. When we are faithful and speak right we will have peace and joy in our finances.

Also, ladies if you are married let your husband take care of the finances. I didn't think that just letting my husband take care of the finances would change things. I can't tell you how much less stress there is in our home when he does the finances. Plus, it is not like am asking, "Can I buy this, or can I buy that?" My habits did not even change when he started managing them.

Remember, God will supply for all of our needs. He has to, it says it in His Word and God cannot lie. So, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land and verily thou shalt be fed." Psalm 37:3

Things to look forward to:
- Sowing and Reaping
- How to get what you need

Week One - Financial Prosperity

In this day and age this what everyone is worrying about. How much are the gas prices going to go up today? How much is the price of food going to sky rocket? Where is it all goin to come from?

Well first things first. Believe it or not your words have creative power. They have the power of life and death. If you are speaking "We are just not going to have enough this month." Guess what, you are not going to have enough. You need to speak right. Where does the money come from anyway?

It all comes from God.

God promises that He is going to provide for us. "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)."

Freedom from financial worries is assured by God's Word.

First, you need to speak what you want. Faith is the evidence of things unseen. You have to act to release your faith. Speaking is an action. Speak the proper words (God's Word) and release your promises.

Say it! You have to actually speak it, God knows your thoughts, but He only listens to your WORDS. So start speaking His Word. Start speaking the Truth.


-- But my God shall suppy all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).