Where have I gone?

Where has self-esteem gone? I would venture to say that most people have an issue with self-esteem. Mainly, lack of it. Then when they see someone who is confident they are seen as arrogant or a diva. When in fact they may just have a healthy self-esteem. Now I am not saying that people don't go to far on the other end either. That really arrogant guy or that high maintenance diva maybe overcompensating for a lack of self esteem as well.

I can tell you an exact moment when I questioned my self-esteem.

When I left for college I was a naive, overweight 18 year old, with little self confidence. Living on campus you walk everywhere. I started exercising and I went dancing probably 3 nights a week. I lost 75 pounds in my 4 1/2 years. Partly because of the weight loss and partly due to naturally growing up my confidence was at an all time high.

Well I graduated and did what most college graduates do. I moved back home to get a job. Well, there was a guy that I wanted to date and he wanted nothing to do with me. Instead of being broken up about it I took the his loss mentality. One night I was asked, "Where has this unhealthy self confidence come from?" That one question made me start to question everything I had become. I started to slip back to that naive, overweight 18 year old. This time I was 23. Unfortunately, I have slipped very far from that confident 22 year old that graduated. However, I am on this journey to find her again.

My professional life cannot let me be someone who just sits back and lets life happen. I own a marketing business. If I am not out there getting the word out there about what we have to offer people won't know we exist. I also own an educational entertainment business and it also requires that confidence and go getter that I used to be.

That is partly why I am on this journey. To find who I was all those years ago.

So what have I done so far to re find myself. I have emptied my closet. I went through each item. I pulled it down and asked, "Do I like the way I feel when I wear this? Does it make me feel confident or self conscious?" If the answer was not yes and confident it did not stay in my closet. It felt so good to get rid of 3 garbage bags of clothes.